More Zonkyness

See: http://www.buzzfeed.com/lukelewis/24-agonising-british-problems

1. I’m still waiting for the first person to hold a door open for me.
2. If I can’t hear you, you ain’t talking.
3. “Gerroff”
4. There’s actually a better way to deal with unexpected visitors. First take all your clothes off, and then invite them in. It works especially well with Jehovah Witnesses.
5. “The button is not lighing up … we’re trapped. We’ll die in here. Slowly.” in an increasingly panicy voice.
6. Tea? What’s that?
7. But “well this is fun” is supposed to be the way to announce that you’re having the worst time of your life.
8. Well that’s no way to make someone nervous.
9. And thus, never choose a first choice mug.
10. Don’t get annoyed; just use the cricket bat.
11. Do people really do that?
12. “Do you come equipped with a mute button?”
13. Never experienced this. Possibly because I refuse to speak to machines.
14. But “that’s interesting” is supposed to be sarcastic.
15. Not at all. It’s a great opportunity to tell people endlessly about my fascination with serial killers.
16. A sandwich connoisseur would never trust someone else to make the sandwich.
17. You do surprise me.
18. Actually, I practice my odd pained grimaces. It takes effort to get them just right.
19. Of course!
20. Not at all. See #4
21. Who am I?
22. It actually translates as “Thanks a bunch for using this infernal instrument to interrupt me and ask me your trivial question when I was doing something important.”
23. And of course it should never be used unless blood is spurting.
24. Actually it’s a great opportunity to bite their neck and suck their blood.

To our American friends, it should be pointed out that an ass-hole is a large hole in the ground filled up with donkeys.

Whilst such a landscape feature is curious, it remains a mystery as to why it causes so much excitement over there.