{"id":687,"date":"2010-01-01T17:08:04","date_gmt":"2010-01-01T17:08:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/really.zonky.org\/?p=687"},"modified":"2010-02-01T21:45:21","modified_gmt":"2010-02-01T21:45:21","slug":"film-review-lesbian-vampire-killers-and-watching-films-on-an-iphone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/?p=687","title":{"rendered":"Film Review: Lesbian Vampire Killers (and watching films on an iPhone)"},"content":{"rendered":"

So O2 is giving away free downloads for the 12 days of Christmas (or something like that) and have just given away a free copy of the film “Lesbian Spank Inferno” … sorry I mean “Lesbian Vampire Killers<\/a>“. Well as it was free, I decided to give it a go …<\/p>\n

The first thing to note is that watching films on an iPhone is a pretty bad idea. Ok, it is portable and probably isn’t too bad for watching an old film that you are familiar with for entertainment on the move (although reading a book is probably better). The screen is just too small.<\/p>\n

As for the film itself, well you will have to turn off your “PC filters” before watching – the title itself and the first few minutes reveal a misogynistic fear of lesbians (the writers seem to be under the impression that lesbians are that way through a hatred of men!).<\/p>\n

After you turn off these filters, what do you get ? Well two principle characters who are pretty repulsive – one pathetic type whose girlfriend\u00a0 is routinely unfaithful (and with good reason), and another who is even more pathetic and unsurprisingly has no girlfriend.<\/p>\n

These two pathetic losers journey to a village under an ancient curse whereby all 18 year old women suddenly turn into lesbian vampires (surely a contradiction in terms). They meet up with an unlikely bunch of history students – all female and all with a predilection for wearing low-cut tops. At which point the “story” (if it can be called such) progresses through an unlikely series of events until our two “heros” with a surviving love interest manage to defeat the lesbian vampire queen.<\/p>\n

It isn’t good porn (whatever that is).<\/p>\n

It isn’t comedy. And no I’m not being superior – I like<\/em> simplistic “Carry On” style smutty comedy.<\/p>\n

It isn’t a good vampire story. It doesn’t even have much of a story.<\/p>\n

All in all, a complete waste of time. One of those “freebies” that cost too much.<\/p>\n

Don’t bother.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So O2 is giving away free downloads for the 12 days of Christmas (or something like that) and have just given away a free copy of the film “Lesbian Spank Inferno” … sorry I mean “Lesbian Vampire Killers“. Well as it was free, I decided to give it a go … The first thing to […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_share_on_mastodon":"0"},"categories":[9,14],"tags":[1332,1336,36,77],"class_list":["post-687","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-film","category-iphone","tag-film","tag-iphone","tag-lesbian","tag-vampires","category-9-id","category-14-id","post-seq-1","post-parity-odd","meta-position-corners","fix"],"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"","error":""},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1f2KI-b5","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/687","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=687"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/687\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":787,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/687\/revisions\/787"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=687"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=687"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=687"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}