{"id":3328,"date":"2014-04-30T07:03:36","date_gmt":"2014-04-30T07:03:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/really.zonky.org\/?p=3328"},"modified":"2014-04-30T07:03:36","modified_gmt":"2014-04-30T07:03:36","slug":"24-agonising-british-problems","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/?p=3328","title":{"rendered":"24 Agonising British Problems"},"content":{"rendered":"

See:\u00a0http:\/\/www.buzzfeed.com\/lukelewis\/24-agonising-british-problems<\/a><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. I’m still waiting for the first person to hold a door open for me.<\/li>\n
  2. If I can’t hear you, you ain’t talking.<\/li>\n
  3. “Gerroff”<\/li>\n
  4. There’s actually a better way to deal with unexpected visitors. First take all your clothes off, and\u00a0then<\/em> invite them in. It works especially well with Jehovah Witnesses.<\/li>\n
  5. “The button is not lighing up … we’re trapped. We’ll die in here. Slowly.” in an increasingly panicy voice.<\/li>\n
  6. Tea? What’s that?<\/li>\n
  7. But “well this is fun” is\u00a0supposed<\/em> to be the way to announce that you’re having the worst time of your life.<\/li>\n
  8. Well that’s no way to make someone nervous.<\/li>\n
  9. And thus, never choose a first choice mug.<\/li>\n
  10. Don’t get annoyed; just use the cricket bat.<\/li>\n
  11. Do people really do that?<\/li>\n
  12. “Do you come equipped with a mute button?”<\/li>\n
  13. Never experienced this. Possibly because I refuse to speak to machines.<\/li>\n
  14. But “that’s interesting” is\u00a0supposed<\/em> to be sarcastic.<\/li>\n
  15. Not at all. It’s a great opportunity to tell people endlessly about my fascination with serial killers.<\/li>\n
  16. A sandwich connoisseur would\u00a0never<\/em> trust someone else to make the sandwich.<\/li>\n
  17. You do surprise me.<\/li>\n
  18. Actually, I practice my odd pained grimaces. It takes effort to get them just right.<\/li>\n
  19. Of course!<\/li>\n
  20. Not at all. See #4<\/li>\n
  21. Who am I?<\/li>\n
  22. It actually translates as “Thanks a bunch for using this infernal instrument to interrupt me and ask me your trivial question when I was doing something important.”<\/li>\n
  23. And of course it should never be used unless blood is spurting.<\/li>\n
  24. Actually it’s a great opportunity to bite their neck and suck their blood.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    See:\u00a0http:\/\/www.buzzfeed.com\/lukelewis\/24-agonising-british-problems I’m still waiting for the first person to hold a door open for me. If I can’t hear you, you ain’t talking. “Gerroff” There’s actually a better way to deal with unexpected visitors. First take all your clothes off, and\u00a0then invite them in. It works especially well with Jehovah Witnesses. “The button is not […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_share_on_mastodon":"0"},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3328","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-13-id","post-seq-1","post-parity-odd","meta-position-corners","fix"],"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"","error":""},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1f2KI-RG","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3328","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3328"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3328\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3329,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3328\/revisions\/3329"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3328"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3328"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/really.zonky.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3328"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}